The lonely revelry

The most valuable quality of humanbeing, which made us different from all the other low grade creatures, is the intelligence, the capability of thinking critically and individually.

Gaukas W., 2019

Finally, I am qualified to purchase a bottle of Whiskey, as today is my 21st birthday.

After cooking the sides for the carefully fried steak, I sat down at the table and took a sip of the whiskey I have longed for. This is my birthday party, only with myself and only for myself. It’s my lonely revelry.

This just reminds me of my life in my previous university, on the other side of the ocean. 3 years ago, I am still there, executing a nothing but boring routine, day in and day out. I am not the type of following orders or accepting the existing issues, but the school is just something of “discipline first, order first, group first”. It’s yucky. The classmates there are all good people, they are kind and inclusive. The only problem is they are not the same type of person as I am, or what I like to make friends with — Maybe I was choosing the wrong school(I did, only after I got my admission confirmed and locked I managed to know that school was half-militarized).

I hate the relationship between students and faculties there. I, a student, must be respectful to the faculties especially the student instructors — they are not instructors of a course(or at least I wasn’t taking the course taught by any of them) — while they are not responsible to pay respect back to me. It feels like they are superior to me. Well, I don’t think in university there’s anyone superior to another.

Also, I, along with thousands of students, are forced to defend the reputation of the college, the university, and the country. “Defending the reputation”, which means you must fight against any criticism or negative information leak back without hesitation, no matter how genuine they are. They even tried to find out the person who revealed that they force every freshman in the college to submit the application of joining the communist party(which turns out to be only for creating the illusion of there’s no one who dares to challenge the authority of party).

I don’t know why are they trying to emphasize their loyalty to a tyrant. There are only 2 cases, they must either love their emperor(which indicates they are unintellectual) or just doing so to get more resources, spaces, power(which indicates they are evil just as their lord).

Then I decide to flee. Flee from the stinky school, flee from the stinky country. By no means, I can stay there without eventually being twisted into what they have been: worthless zombies, easily manipulated, questions no more.

So now, I don’t need to live in the shadow anymore. I am a free person. I can criticize anyone I disapprove, I can express any idea while still being listened to, I can even participate in a protest if it is necessary. The only thing I need to pay attention to is my “fellow citizens”. They are as dangerous as a wolf in the pack of sheep, hiding but ready to attack at any time. Those who do not believe in freedom and equality went to the US for just better educational resources, but they do not change the spiritual core. They are still just as pathetic as those who never went out of the country. If I dare say something and let them know, even my family could be put under threat — this is not hearsay, this is what just happened to one of my close friends.

So what can I say? I hate the country I was born in, and I swear to destroy it, from its culture to its people, even if in the cost of the land it resides on.

I will still be here, be a lonely warden, witnessing every crime in front of me. As I said, it is the revelry, which belongs to myself only.

Gaukas Wang


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